When life loses its zip, relationships get stuck, or work feels like more of a chore than a calling, you may be looking for ways to press the reset button. How can you refresh not only yourself, but also your relationships with partnerships and teams? Relationship systems coaching offers many ideas to renew a sense of purpose.
Renew Your Relationship with Yourself
Consider what lights you up. It’s easy to get so absorbed in doing and producing that we forget about the why behind our work. What happens when you go back to the essence or Original Myth that first brought you to where you are? What possibilities are flirting at the edge of your awareness?
Examine what’s going on with your “inside team." What voices are loudest in the conversation inside of your head? Is an Achiever voice pushing aside the Dreamer or the Nurturer? Stop to hear, see and sense what different parts of yourself are saying, so that you can consciously decide which ones you want to follow.
Rejig your rituals. It’s easy to slip into overwork, missing out on exercise, healthy food and fun. Dream into what wellbeing means for you, and plan ways to bring it into your life. Perhaps you could start reading again, shut down the computer at a certain hour, or set aside time every day to connect with family. As any flight attendant will tell you - put your own mask on first.
Reignite Your Personal Relationships
Pay attention to the signals of what’s emerging. The principles of Relationship Systems Intelligence (RSI™) hold that systems are always changing. In other words, it’s normal to feel a nudge toward something new. If the relationship feels stuck or conflict is showing up more often, it’s a signal to consciously create a new way of being together.
Be aware of what you’re bringing into the relationship. Back when you first started out together, you probably showed up as your best selves for each other. Thinking about what the personality or Third Entity of your relationship is like now, what metaphor would you use to describe it at its best and worst? Together, you can define your hopes for how you want to be, and plan out how to nurture that atmosphere.
Get curious about perpetual problems. What disagreements keep popping up? Even if the relationship is going well overall, perpetual problems can leave you feeling frustrated and dissatisfied. Listen to the language of your arguments. “I never…” and “you always” often indicate role nausea or fatigue. By remembering that roles belong to the system rather than to people, you can use ORSC tools to rejig how you want to fill those roles.
Refresh Team Relationships
Reflect on your purpose as a team. Have you gotten lost in day-to-day details and forgotten about the bigger picture? In much the same way that you thought about what lights you up as an individual, your team can reflect on what is exciting and inspiring about what you do. Returning to the spark of what first brought you together can reaffirm your goals.
Set the ground rules for your relationship. Connecting with team members is critical to refreshing a work environment. In our foundational courses, we introduce the Designed Team Alliance (DTA) which sets the stage for effective conversations. Take the time to slow down and connect with your colleagues, as you answer these questions about what can help you to thrive as a team. If you haven’t done this yet or your team could use a refresh, the tool is outlined in our Meet-Reveal-Align-Act process.
Rehearse and choose the energy that you want to bring. You can decide how you want to show up at the party! We respond to each other’s energy in much the same way that we might absorb music playing or a scent lingering in the air. To use Amy Mindell’s idea of metaskills. think about an emotional energy that would serve you and the team in this moment - perhaps curiosity, compassion or enthusiasm. Channel that energy in yourself and notice the difference it makes to the overall atmosphere.
Look at your team relationship with a coach’s eye. Where might you be stuck? Are your interactions respectful and collaborative, or are toxins showing up? Is the team just following the loudest voice? What edges do you need to cross to improve your performance?
Transformation is part of the never-ending swirl of systems in motion, and a change that begins in you can ripple out to affect all of the systems you touch. Keep in mind that this process is challenging. We all know the metaphor of the caterpillar which shrouds itself within a cocoon, only to emerge as a butterfly. Science tells us that this transformation is more than just on the surface. The caterpillar actually dissolves, turning into goo before reshaping itself entirely. It is in moments of struggle that we grow the most. Be patient with yourself and your relationships, and trust that evolution is underway.
If you’re feeling the urge to make a fresh start, relationship systems coaching is a great place to begin.
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